By Isiah McKimmie, Sexologist 

Menopause is getting a bad rap for its impact on sexual desire. And certainly, for many women, menopause can bring real drops in desire and in the ability to enjoy sex. 

But the research paints a more complex picture. 

What we see is that many women continue to enjoy sex through and beyond menopause, and many others are able to rediscover desire and pleasure when the right support is in place. 

Pain and discomfort often increase after menopause 

One of the most significant changes after menopause is an increase in sexual discomfort or pain. 

As oestrogen levels fall, vulval and vaginal tissue can become thinner, drier, and more sensitive. Natural lubrication often decreases, and tissue can be more prone to irritation or micro-tearing. For some women, this leads to clear pain during penetration. It’s not surprising that desire often drops in this context. 

Changes in function can affect confidence and enjoyment 

Alongside discomfort, some women notice changes in sexual response. Arousal may take longer. Orgasms may be harder to reach, less intense, or less predictable than they once were. 

These changes can quietly affect confidence. Many women start to wonder if their body is “failing” them, or whether sex is simply no longer for them. 

Relationships matter more than we like to admit 

Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and menopause often arrives at a time when relationships are already carrying history. 

Years of unspoken resentment, emotional labour, unequal care, or unsatisfying sexual patterns can become harder to tolerate when physical comfort changes and emotional resilience is stretched. Menopause doesn’t usually cause relationship issues, but it often brings existing ones to the surface. 

Sex can still be intimate and enjoyable 

Despite all of this, the evidence is clear: intimacy and desire can be maintained and often rediscovered after menopause. 

Your relationship matters. Higher relationship satisfaction is consistently linked with greater sexual satisfaction. For many couples, this means spending time reconnecting and addressing old, unresolved resentments that may have been sitting quietly under the surface. 

Physical comfort matters too. Finding the right lubricant can play a vital role in sexual enjoyment and desire. A high-quality lubricant reduces friction, protects sensitive tissue, and makes sex feel easier on the body. 

Slowing down also makes a difference. Taking pressure off performance, orgasm, or penetration allows arousal to build more naturally and reduces anxiety about how sex is “meant” to work. 

Learning new ways to experience pleasure can be incredibly helpful as well. This might include more touch, different types of stimulation, or exploring sex toys, not as a replacement for intimacy, but as a way of supporting arousal and enjoyment when the body needs more input than it once did. 

With the right support, sex can continue to be a meaningful and satisfying part of your life- just on new terms.